Different Kinds of Love
by WordsHaveThePower
Summary: Ever since she was little, Clary has been a romantic at heart. She comes to realize, however, that maybe love wasn't as pretty as she thought it was when Sebastian starts to get abusive. Caught up in a confusing whirlwind of broken-heartedness, Clary doesn't know how to survive while stuck in love's cruel clutches until she runs into her old friend Simon and his new entourage.
1. Fairytales Lie

**Author's Note: I've decided to start up a new story that will hopefully help me get out of this writing slump that I've been in. This story, unlike _City of Shattered Hearts_, is all human. I know that stories like this one have been done a million times before, but I hope that you'll enjoy it and give me lots of feedback as you have with _City of Shattered Hearts_. :)**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning The Mortal Instruments.**_

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**Music for this Chapter**

Come and Get Your Love - Redbone

Sail, Unlimited Gravity Remix - AWOLNATION

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**Chapter 1: Fairytales Lie**

I used to think a lot about love when I was little. For me, there was always only one kind: the one in books. The kind of love you read in dialogue when the princess thanks her prince for saving her from the dragon, or the kind of love the author describes when they share their first and sickeningly magical kiss. I was so excited to grow up and have my storybook love. But a lot of other things take hold of you when you grow up, and a lot of things change. I realized there were different kinds of love. There was the type of love that kept your father away from your mother so that nothing else would happen to the rest of your family. There was the type of love that was hidden beneath every brushstroke in my paintings and every charcoal line in my drawings. There was the type of love that made Jonathon ruffle my hair and tease me every night like we were little kids again. And then there was the type of love that Sebastian had for me. I suppose I should be grateful to have his affection. That's what Sebastian always yells at me. But, deep down, I know that love is not supposed to leave bruises on my wrists and arms. Love is not supposed to poke me in the side and whisper in my ear that I need to lose weight. Love is not supposed to suck me away from all of my friends and keep me from living the life that I had wanted. It's too late now though. As much as I may hate it sometimes, I love Sebastian, and he loves me, and that's all I had wanted as a kid. I'm too afraid to give all that up because maybe I'm being too wimpy about it.

The alarm blares loudly and draws me out of my mind. I quickly get dressed and prep myself for the first day of Junior year. Throwing on jeans and another t-shirt from a band I don't really listen to anymore, I grab my backpack and wait downstairs for Sebastian to pick me up. Sometimes I miss when Simon would wait by the front door and walk with me to school. I miss his dorky glasses and nerdy t-shirts, and I miss the way he would make me laugh whenever he tried to be flirtatious with random girls walking down the streets of New York and ultimately failing. Our friendship was something I wouldn't have traded for the world, but Sebastian obviously didn't mind letting Simon know that he didn't appreciate me hanging out with another guy. I know Sebastian meant well, but Simon's never been one for conflict and hasn't talked to me since the Christmas break of last year. We've only had a few classes together since then, and a chance to strike up a conversation again never really appeared.

Suddenly, an obnoxious car horn honked and had me flying out of the front door with my backpack. Sebastian was already waiting outside of the car for me, holding the passenger door open. A big smile crept onto my face as I walked closer to him.

"Morning, Clary," Sebastian said, closing the small gap between us and pressing his lips to mine. I pulled away quickly but wrapped my arms around his waist to keep from hurting his feelings. Sebastian was extremely handsome, don't get me wrong. His dark hair fell just over his black eyes, and he was a good foot taller than me. His chiseled features contrasted perfectly with his dark features, but there was something about Sebastian that always scared me just a little. He had an air of intimidation and command around him, and he would make sure everyone listened to him. Kissing him didn't ever feel like it was supposed to. Wasn't I supposed to get all fluttery and cheesy inside? Her heart was supposed to beat faster, wasn't it? Her heart was beating faster, but more in the jumpy beat associated with nerves and anxiety. Maybe it was just because it was the first day of school.

"Good morning. Are you excited for school?" I said as I climbed into the car.

"Not particularly. Getting up early? Not really my thing," Sebastian replied with a small smile. "But it does mean I get to show off my hot, red-headed girlfriend, so that makes up for it." Taking one hand off the steering wheel, he reached out and grabbed one of my hands with his. My heart responded properly this time, leaping with excitement at his romantic gesture. Definitely just first day nerves.

"Gonna try out for the football team again?"

Sebastian laughed at this, causing my cheeks to turn a light pink color. "Already on the football team, Clare. You should know that, we've been practicing all summer."

I sank further into the seat of the car, silently drowning in embarrassment. Why was it I always made a fool of myself in front of Sebastian? "Oh."

"Don't be embarrassed. And don't slouch like that, it makes you look bigger than you are," he said as he parked in his usual parking spot and flashed a smile at the typical bimbos who conveniently waited near this exact spot. It seemed that was one thing that hadn't magically changed over the summer. They giggled and waved flirtatiously at him, and Sebastian winked in return. I felt my insides churn with anger at his unashamed flirting.

"I don't see why you have to egg them on," I muttered, but unfortunately it was loud enough for Sebastian to hear.

His eyes immediately flicked to gaze at me, and the black depths were filled with annoyance and a slight hint of anger. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing," was my immediate response, and I knew right away that was the wrong thing to say. His fists clenched together and his jaw tightened with agitation.

"Clary," he said flatly, and jumped out of the car. His door slammed shut and I flinched at the sound. Too soon my door was being flung open and I was being dragged out right along Sebastian. His hand gripped my wrist and I knew I would have to cover it with makeup the next morning. He stopped at a secluded corner behind the school and swung me around the face him. My shoulder ached from being dragged about and I prayed that no one had seen us. "Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" Sebastian demanded. "I'm your boyfriend, for God's sake, and you need to treat me like one! I don't want anymore of this mumbling shit, not for the rest of the year. I deserve respect, Clarissa, and if you don't agree with that than I am more than willing to end things right now."

I felt numb. Not because what Sebastian said was hurtful and crude, though it was, but because I had heard it so many times that I knew it was true. "Sebastian, please, not here, okay?" I said, and I cursed myself for my voice coming out weak and shaky. I was such a pansy. "There are people around. And you know I love you Sebastian, and I don't want to break it off. I'll treat you with more respect because I really do respect you. I guess I'm just tired and nervous for the first day back to school, and that's why I got agitated so easily."

Thankfully, Sebastian seemed sated at my words and let go of my wrist. I blew out a soft breath in relief, and tried to get my body to calm down. I could feel my hands trembling slightly and I knew if Sebastian saw he would get even more furious. Crossing my arms, I offered Sebastian a smile before kissing his cheek. "Love you, Sebastian. I gotta get to class, but I'll see you at lunch." Without waiting to gauge a reaction, I walked as calmly as I could to the front of the school and in through the doors. I headed straight to the girls' bathroom, not making contact with anyone for fear I would give it all away.

As soon as I reached the bathroom, I ran into a stall and locked it shut. Sebastian had never been like that at school. He'd always made sure to be the kind, caring person that he was at school and save the more furious and intimidating version of himself for home, where no one would judge him for it. I knew he was stressed and wanted to be the "perfect student," but he had never dared to lay a hand on me like that in public. was it going to be like this all year? Was it all going to get worse?

With a shaking hand, I pulled out my schedule from my backpack. Pre-Calculus was my first period, which meant it started in five minutes. I took a few deep breaths before opening the stall door and rushing to my locker, keeping my head down the whole way in case I wasn't able to hide the fear that was creeping its way up my spine. Unfortunately, this meant I wasn't exactly watching where I was going and ran head first into someone's arms. They wrapped quickly around my waist and kept me from hitting the floor rather ungracefully, but my heart sunk when I felt the familiar embrace. I lifted my head to meet the surprised eyes of Simon Lewis, my once-upon-a-time best friend who I hadn't talked to in a long time. Apparently, he was willing to change that.

"Are you alright, Clary?" he said, and I never really realized how much I had missed him until he started talking in that understanding voice of his. I wanted nothing more than to fling my arms around his neck and demand that we have another Avengers marathon Saturday, but I had made Sebastian angry enough for one day.

"I'm fine," I whispered, but that didn't even begin to cover anything.

"She doesn't really look fine, Simon. Look how pale she is. Maybe we should take her to the nurse or something," said another voice behind Simon, and I turned my neck to see four other people watching me with concern. Well, make that three watching with concern and one watching with an annoyingly amused look plastered to his face. Then my heart sank when I realized that these people must be Simon's new friends. Of course he has moved on.

"She's always been pale, Isabelle. Comes with the hair," Simon joked, and I grinned at the light teasing. It felt like nothing had changed with us, and yet so much had. I studied the girl named Isabelle, and came to the heart-wrenching and ego-killing realization that she was gorgeous. She had black hair and eyes like Sebastian, but hers sparkled with a certain compassion and liveliness that maybe Sebastian's never would. I quickly scanned over the rest of the crowd, and noticed that they looked like the ragtag bunch of friends that I had always wanted in high school. One was clearly related to the Isabelle girl, but he had bright blue eyes instead of Isabelle's muddy color. A tall and extravagantly sparkly boy stood next to him, and his eyes were what caught Clary's attention. They were the oddest yellow color with a pupil so small it made them look like a cat's. I knew they were probably contacts, but I would give anything to draw them. If the cat eyes had caught my attention, however, than the golden boy standing slightly behind the group blew my mind away. He was everything that Sebastian was not. Where Sebastian was dark, he was light. He had slightly curly blond hair and eyes so amber they looked like liquid gold, and for the second time within a minute that day I wished I had brought my sketchbook with me. There was also something vaguely familiar about him, causing questions to run through my head faster than a cyclist competing in the Tour de France.

What brought me out of my reverie, however, was the cold feeling on the back of my neck, and I quickly turned to see Sebastian's gaze locked on mine. Reminding me of where I was and why exactly I hadn't seen Simon in forever, I tossed a weak smile to Simon. "I have to go," I said, and fleeted to the Pre-Calculus classroom. Setting my books down on the desk, I slumped into the chair and put my head on the desk, wondering how on earth I would make it through this year alive.


	2. Between the Two

**Author's Note: Agh I am so so sorry it took me this long to update! Time has been flying by way too fast and I have been absolutely drowning in homework these past couple months. I am so glad that you guys are intrigued in this story, and I will try to get another update out there as soon as I can! Love you all **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning The Mortal Instruments series.**_

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**Music for this Chapter**

Subway - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Don't You (Forget About Me) - KT Tunstall

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**Chapter 2: Between the Two**

I had never wanted to be someone else as badly as I did when I settled in to my AP US History class. My first class had gone fairly well considering my day, though the teacher was boring enough to put three kids to sleep. But of course, I had made the foolish assumption that I would not have any classes with Sebastian because he's a senior. I also made the foolish assumption that I would not have any classes with Simon's oddly familiar golden-haired friend, either. Now, as I walked to the desk that sat right next to Sebastian's and watched as his mouth twisted into a pale line and his eyes darted suggestively and accusingly at the boy I had met earlier, I regretted every decision I've ever made about being a good student.

"Clary," Sebastian drawled, moving his backpack from the seat next to him. "I saved you a seat." His movements were sharp and quick, predaceous in a way that was forbidding and made me want to run away with my tail between my legs. I scampered to the desk, and I was proud of myself for avoiding eye contact with any person near me. Sebastian has always had a short temper, but today he was being particularly difficult, and I had no idea why. It seemed like this new school year brought me an entirely new Sebastian Morgenstern, one who's love was slowly crawling its way along my body until it made sure that I was untouchable to anyone that was not him.

This thought covers a shiver to roll down my back, but I do my best to cover it up. I reach for my backpack and pull out my Physics binder. From the corner of my eye I see Sebastian scoot just a little bit closer to me. I open the binder and begin to doodle on a random page, trying to decide if Sebastian's actions are sweet and endearing or suspicious.

"What are you drawing?" I hear Sebastian whisper, his mouth surprisingly close to my ear. I grin sheepishly and show him the notebook paper, which is already covered in meaningless shapes and squiggles. I sigh in frustration. I can't even get my thoughts straight enough to draw something, although Sebastian seems pleased that my artistic mind has not led me to things like the boy he's been glaring at for the past ten minutes.

"Sorry I'm late, class. Not a good first impression, and don't use this as an excuse for you being late to my classroom at anytime this year." The teacher's voice suddenly intrudes the room, and I look up to find an older man striding across the floor towards his desk. His pepper hair was array from rushing, but he had a certain commanding and somehow calming aura that surrounded him. He set down some papers and then turned to face us. "I'm Mr. Starkweather, and I won't take any backtalk from any of you this year. I expect you all to work hard in this class and push yourself to your fullest ability, and I highly doubt you want to see my reaction when I know you are slacking."

The entire class was deathly silent. So he was that kind of teacher. Just perfect.

"I'll call role and then start on our first assignment, shall we?" He offered the class a brief smile that technically didn't even count as a smile because the corners of his mouth only pulled up slightly for a moment before falling back into the bored expression.

I suppose the class would have been okay, if it weren't for the fact that I could feel Sebastian's eyes on me the entire time. I wondered when he had gotten so possessive.

"Fray," a voice said, and I turned to see a piece of crumpled paper on the floor by my foot. I quickly grabbed it and unfolded the note as quietly as I could, recognizing the familiar handwriting.

_I know I've been acting weird today. My house later? I believe there is a stack of movies waiting for us by the couch. _

_x,_

_Sebastian_

My shoulders, filled with tension I didn't even realize was there, suddenly relaxed and there was a sense of relief running through my body. So Sebastian had noticed he was acting weird. And he wanted me to come over later for a movie. A warm feeling replaces the apprehension and worry I had been feeling all day.

_Is that a date, Mr. Morgenstern?_

_x,_

_Clary_

When he reads the note, he genuinely smiles, something I've been yearning to see all day.

_I suppose so, Ms. Fray, so you better say yes to spare my feelings. And I have to be allowed to drive you to my house, or it just wouldn't be proper. _

Shaking my head in amusement, I bite the tip of my pencil trying to come up with a reply. Sebastian's been pretty moody all day and I'm not sure if I should give him time to cool off and wind down. It would be nice to spend some time with him...

_See you then_.

I write this quickly and pass it to his desk. Even if Sebastian seems a lot calmer than he was this morning, I'm still rather nervous about the whole situation. He's been getting more aggressive as of late, and it's starting to scare me. What will I do if Sebastian seriously hurts me? He wouldn't actually do that, would he?

I blink a few times to clear my thoughts and attempt to focus on the board, where Mr. Starkweather is busy writing questions he expected us to answer in a short essay due next class. I groan inwardly, already knowing this class would be the demise of my junior year. I hear someone else sigh, and I know before I turn my head that it is the golden-haired boy. Meeting my eyes, he smirks before rolling his eyes and mouthing "This sucks." I nod my head in agreement, praying that Sebastian didn't notice this little encounter.

"Ms. Fray." Mr. Starkweather's voice breaks through the silence, and my stomach immediately drops to the floor. "Perhaps it would be in your best interest to face the front and pay attention, instead of flirting with Mr. Herondale back there. Otherwise, I'll make sure you two enjoy some alone time in detention."

All of my blood rushes from my face. Sebastian visibly stiffens, and I know the light-hearted mood he had entered this classroom with has flown out the window. Why had everything gone down the drain so easily? _Dammit, Clary_, I thought. _You're so stupid, you know that?_

I decided the best approach would be to remain quiet for the rest of the class. I made eye contact with neither Sebastian or this so-called Jace, and I made sure to book it out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang. In all honesty, this day had been absolutely terrible, and I prayed that maybe lunch would cheer me up a little more.

I knew for certain, however, that if I wanted to protect myself and Sebastian, I couldn't have anything to do with Jace.


	3. Terrors of the Heart

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry! I don't even have any excuses for not posting anything. Life just got busy, I guess? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave reviews or suggestions, and again I am so so incredibly sorry for abandoning my fan fics these past couple of months. Thanks for sticking with me.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning The Mortal Instruments.**_

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**Music for This Chapter:**

Judas - Lady Gaga

Technicolor Beat - Oh Wonder

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**Chapter 3: Terrors of the Heart**

Jace was really close with his two other siblings, which I knew because I was watching Simon at lunch. With all that had been going on today, I couldn't help but miss my best friend, the one I had abandoned a year ago for Sebastian. Looking back, I don't know why I did it. He always made me happy. We were incredibly close, and we fought very few times. We teased each other endlessly. It was so easy to be friends with Simon. That's probably why he was now surrounded by three new kids and two of my other old friends. They were all positively beaming, laughing as they were all introduced to one another. I couldn't help but take note of how Simon was particularly sweet on the strikingly beautiful one I had seen earlier named Isabelle. He smiled at her often, and I could tell he was trying his hardest to impress her all the way from the other side of the cafeteria. Shaking my head and chuckling to myself softly, I broke out of my nostalgic haze and searched for Sebastian. Not that I was entirely too excited to see him. Lately, our relationship had felt really strained, and I didn't want to hear what he had to say about the whole episode with Jace.

Spotting his dark hair a few tables away from Simon and his friends, I grabbed a tray filled with food and headed over there. Sebastian was surrounded by all his other jock friends. Sports were never really my thing, and the people involved in them discouraged me even further. I preferred the artsy freak scene better (which just so happened to be Simon's group of friends) but Sebastian always insisted I eat lunch with him. And he always had a sort of following among the jocks...and the cheerleaders...and any other school club. Pretty much the entire high school population knew who he was, so it wasn't as easy for me to blend into the scene and enjoy being an art freak. I had to keep up a reputation, Sebastian told me, and that meant being seen with the right people.

"Clary, babe," Sebastian called out, pulling out the seat next to him. "Glad you could make it, as always." His infamous grin took over his features, and I smiled back at him. It seemed I was forgiven.

There were some jeers and wolf whistles from his peers, but I blatantly ignored them as best I could. I suppose there are some things you really just can't get used to. "Hey, Seb," I said, taking my usual seat next to him. I was still a bit uneasy, seeing as he'd already almost lost his temper with me twice today. My eyes wandered back to Simon's table, and accidentally lingered on Jace a little too long. He was a rather handsome specimen, and his smile was to die for. But no, I couldn't think these things. These were the things that made Sebastian angry and cruel, and I didn't like that Sebastian. Was his jealous behavior starting to drive me away from him? I didn't really want to know.

"Clary!" I heard a voice shout, and I whipped my head over to see Sebastian waving his hands in front of my face. "You zoned out, everything okay?" It would be nice to believe that he was honestly concerned about me, but his tone of voice told me it was more of a warning then anything else. A warning to not tell anyone how he was acting and to keep my mouth shut. I shuddered and sank into my chair.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that. Guess I'm already worn out from the first day of school," I tried to joke. Some of the jocks laughed, and others continued to undress me with their eyes, and all in all I was super out of my comfort zone. I wanted to get out of here.

Unfortunately, Sebastian noticed the stares his friends were giving me, and slung an arm over my shoulders. The familiar gesture was allowed me to forget all my worries for a moment. It was comforting, and reminded me of all the fun times I've had with Sebastian. I loved Sebastian...right?

"Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?" Sebastian murmured, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I melted, feeling heat rise up to my face. He brought his lips closer to my ear and whispered, "I want you so bad." My mind shut off. We'd discussed this before, hadn't we? I told him I wasn't ready, that I needed to wait until it felt right for me. He promised he wouldn't push me. He promised he wouldn't say stuff like that to me. And in school? In front of his friends, he decided to say that to me? Now I was furious.

Before I could respond, he pulled me in for a deep kiss. His tongue immediately thrust into my mouth, and I felt embarrassed. Oh god, the whole school was probably watching. He groaned loudly into my mouth, and pulled my hips closer to his. I tried to push myself away, but he had too good of a grip on me. I knew this was a show. He was claiming what was his, and all it did was make me absolutely disgusted with his behavior. I used to love the idea of being his. Now I was afraid to belong to him, because it was obvious he didn't treat his belongings very delicately.

His friends were laughing and clapping, bringing even more attention to our table and, more specifically, to what Sebastian was doing to me. I felt his hand creeping lower down my back. I wanted to cry. Didn't he notice that I wasn't responding to his kiss anymore? I was making it pretty obvious that I didn't want this. I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed as I hard as I could. He released my mouth for air, and I used the space to back away from him. His expression made my heart break. His eyes were the darkest of black I had ever seen them, and he was smirking. But it wasn't the smirk I had fallen in love with. It was cruel and mocking, as if he were proving a point of what he had over me. He was letting me know he owned me. Tears flooded my vision.

Without thinking, I raised my hand and slapped him across the face, the sound of skin meeting skin echoing throughout the suddenly quiet cafeteria. I whirled around as quickly as I could, and met the golden eyes of Jace. I couldn't read his expression. Looking to his left, I saw Simon, my lovable Simon, staring at me like he wanted nothing more than to run up to me and give me a hug and protect me from all the evil in the world like he had promised me when my dad left. I ran out of the cafeteria like hell was chasing me. Sobs were rising from my chest, and I couldn't control the tears dripping off my cheeks. Stupid, stupid Sebastian.

Entering the girls' bathroom, I slammed the door and curled up on the floor. I didn't even care how dirty it was. I missed my dad, and I missed Jonathon, and I missed Simon. I wanted a normal life. I didn't want to be afraid, but I was terrified. Sebastian was going to hurt me. There was no way he was going to let what just happened slide. And I would never be able to avoid him. Oh god, oh god, oh god. My life was quickly slipping out of my control.

Suddenly the bathroom door creaked open, and I heard footsteps slowly walk in. My heart pounded in my chest and my hands were shaking. I tried to stand up, but I felt so weak. I was so scared. _Please don't be Sebastian_, I thought. _Please, please, please don't be him_.

"Clary?"


	4. In With the Old

**Author's Note: I am so happy to finally be writing my fanfics again! You all are so amazingly sweet and supportive. Lots of love to you all.**

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing concerning The Mortal Instruments.**_

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**Music for this Chapter:**

**Tightrope - Tiffany Alvord**

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**Chapter 4: In With the Old**

"Clary?"

I stiffened at the all too familiar voice. It couldn't be...

"Please be in here. God, if I get caught in the girls' bathroom, I'm screwed," he muttered. "Mom's gonna kill me. Clary!"

Simon turned the corner and instantly found my curled form. He let out a sigh of relief before rushing towards me and immediately wrapping his arms around me, as if it hadn't been almost a year since we had had a complete conversation. I couldn't believe I ignored him for that long, and that I was okay with it. Sebastian, I was beginning to realize, really liked to play on my insecurities. He liked to have control over me. The thought brought on more sobs, and I was extremely thankful that it was Simon who had come in to check on me. I don't know what I would have done if it was anyone else.

"S-s-simon, I'm sorry," I managed to get out between sobs. My chest felt heavy, feeling his arms around me. I was such a terrible friend.

"Hey, hey. It's okay." Simon pulled back to look at me, a small smile creeping onto his face. "It's not your fault."

"You're not...you're not," I sniffled. "You're not mad at me?"

He shook his head no.

"But I was so terrible to you! I don't know what I was thinking. I have no control over anything in my life anymore, and I can't believed I gave you up. I'm so sorry Simon. I love you. You're incredible," I rambled, pulling him back into a hug.

Simon pulled me closer to him, and I breathed in his comforting scent. "Shh, of course I'm not mad at you. I can't even imagine the things you've been through, Clary. And I wasn't there for you. I should have done something. I should have stuck up for you, for us. You're my best friend, and I shouldn't have given up so easily. And for that, I don't think I can ever explain how sorry I am."

We stayed like that for a while, hugging each other with him apologizing and me crying. Once we were both able to collect ourselves, he walked me to the office to sign me out and drive me home. I'm not quite sure what lie he came up with to convince the secretary at the front desk to let us both go three and a half hours early, seeing as I was kind of in a dream-like sort of state as he talked, replaying over and over all the things Sebastian has said and done to me. It was like he was the only thing swirling through my mind. His voice seemed to constantly echo around me and I kept seeing him lurking in every shadow we passed by. The drive home was silent, but it was comfortable. Simon's hand stayed reassuringly around my shoulders the whole way. It was really nice to have my best friend back.

"You doing okay?" Simon's voice broke me out of my reverie. We were already parked in my driveway.

"Not really," I replied, my voice hoarse from the day I'd had. "Can you...um, can you stay?"

His brown eyes immediately softened. "Of course, Clary. You don't think I'd leave you alone after the day you've had?" I appreciated that he didn't mention Sebastian's name. It was the last thing I needed.

"Let's get your mind off of it for a while. But you know that if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you, Clary. He's gotten dangerous with you. I hope you know how serious this is. He could go to jail."

I gulped, and looked around, squinting my eyes against the bright sun rays. _They kind of remind me of Jace_, I thought. _Woah. Where did that come from_? I needed to focus on the present. I didn't know if I had it in me to forgive Sebastian for humiliating me in front of the entire school today, but I also don't know if I had it in me to give him up. He'd been apart of me for so long. He loved me, and I was too afraid to let him go.

After a brief silence, Simon hopped out of the car, dragging me along with him. He ran straight to my room (I was kind of surprised he remembered where it was, but, considering we had been friends since we were six, I shouldn't have been) and pulled out all my old video games that I hadn't touched since Simon and I stopped being friends. Seeing them all laying out on the floor, Simon sitting cross-legged beside them, made my heart fuller than it ever had been before. I didn't feel so empty and useless with him by my side again. He made me feel worth something. Which highlighted the question burning in my mind: _did Sebastian make me feel worth nothing_?

I tried to clear my thoughts immediately. I wasn't going to think about him right now. Taking out the controllers from my top dresser drawer, I handed one to Simon and we immediately immersed ourselves into the video game world. I hadn't done this in a long time, since Seb considered video games nerdy and "not worth our time." I remember his words stinging a bit, because I loved them so much, but I went along with what he said. I was beginning to find a pattern in our relationship.

I felt my eyelids getting heavier by the hour, and I think Simon noticed as well, because he scooped me up and placed me gently on my bed. Murmuring my thanks, I let my eyes fall closed and my breathing deepen. Faintly, I heard Simon laugh and wish me a good night. I felt his warm lips press against my forehead before hearing the front door close shut. Smiling to myself, I let myself relax. Surprisingly, I was at peace, feeling completely at ease even after the day I had had. Simon was back in my life, and I was positive Sebastian and I would work things out in the morning. We always had little fights like this, and we always found a way to work through it. I reasoned that maybe Sebastian was just stressed from the first day of school and wanted to prove something, which he had confessed to me during one of our late night talks that that was his fatal flaw. I let myself float into oblivion, lulling myself with thoughts of a normal Sebastian.

I wish I had known how wrong I was.

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**Not a huge huge fan of this chapter and I'm kind of worried that I made Simon seem a little too romantic towards Clary? Please let me know what you thought!**


	5. Sticks and Bones

**Author's Note: I KNOW THE CLACE IS TAKING A REALLY LONG TIME, BUT I PROMISE IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN! This story is honestly writing itself, but I'm so anxious to get to Clary and Jace's romance that I might be trying to move the story along too quickly, and I apologize immensely. As always, thank you all for your love and support with this story. Hope you enjoy :)**

**WARNING! There is some violence/abuse in this chapter, so if that is triggering to you or you wish to not read it, please skip this chapter.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning The Mortal Instruments.**_

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**Music for this Chapter:**

The Hanging Tree - Angus &amp; Julia Stone

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - Kendra Morris, God Forbid

Clockwork (Piano Version) - Sleeping at Last

Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

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**Chapter 5: Sticks and Bones**

I missed my alarm for school, so I woke up at 11:45 am with a splitting headache and 53 missed calls and messages. From one person. And it isn't hard to guess who.

_Clary, babe, where are you? _one read.

_I'm sorry, Clare. Please pick up your phone._

_What the hell's going on with you? Are you pissed at me or something?_

_I just need to know where you are._

_Dammit, Clary. I'm coming over, even if you're at your house or not._

I felt my stomach lurch at just the thought of him, and I ran to the bathroom just in time. Leaning over the toilet, I released every loving memory I ever held of Sebastian, every single moment of adoration and laughter and cliche teenage bliss. I wish I had realized just how mean of a person he really was back when I first met him. It certainly would have saved me a lot of heartbreak and regret now.

But at the same time, and it's so incredibly stupid of me, I know, I can't let him go. He's the only thing I really have left of Jonathon, of a time when things were more bearable and it was easier to pretend I was okay. It's starting to make me wonder if what Sebastian and I had was artificial. When I first met him, his smile almost as big as Jonathon's, it was hard to miss the cliched butterflies that bounced around in my stomach, or the way he made me feel like the impossible was nothing but a myth. But had that passed? Was the infatuation I claimed to have with him gone before we even started dating? It was all way too confusing, and I could feel the onslaught of a headache at the back of my skull.

To go along with the pounding in my head, I suddenly heard an equally as harsh pounding at my door. _Shit_, I thought. _It's him_.

"Clary!" A deep, muffled voice sounded through the door. "Let me the hell in there or I swear I'm breaking this goddamn door down."

With those words, I flew up the stairs, racing to grab my phone and find somewhere to hide. Sebastian had only been angry with me like this a few times, and I clutched at my ribs in remembrance. Breathing was already becoming a difficult task, and he hadn't even touched me yet. My hands were shaking so badly I could barely send a text to Simon. Fear was coursing violently through my veins, blurring my vision and limiting my oxygen intake. _Dear God,_ I thought. _Please don't take me now_.

I heard a big crash from downstairs, and the thumping of quick and heavy footsteps. "Clarissa Fray," he chuckled, "you know I never liked hide and seek. It's tedious. Although, I do enjoy a good game of chase." I could practically hear his dark grin from here. "And you never were very good at hiding." His voice was getting closer with every word he uttered, and I wanted to be anywhere but here. Maybe a beach or on top of a snowy mountain, anywhere where things were less complicated. And damn, I knew I wasn't good at hiding. My bedroom would be the first place he would look, and then he would search my bathroom, where I was crouched in the bath tub, trying to make absolutely no sound.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," Sebastian called. "We used to play this as little kids. We always got along so well, Clarissa. Why aren't you behaving now?" The stairs were creaking under his feet, eerie against the sound of his voice.

"Be a good girl, Clarissa. Be my good girl, like you always have been."

_Oh God, _I thought. _Don't find me. Simon, get over here. Anyone. I just need someone. Please._

The door to my bedroom slowly opened, and Sebastian's presence was like a suffocating hand to my chest. He was suddenly everywhere, his voice, his smell. I used to find it comforting, intoxicating even, but now the only thing I was drunk on was pure, unadulterated horror.

"Oh, Clary. You forget I've known you for far too long. You've become predictable to me. So I suggest you come out of the bathroom before I get really angry."

A wave of cold washed over me, chilling my spine and freezing any movement I had intended on making. I watched the silver doorknob turn, and my heart stopped beating when Sebastian came into view.

"Baby girl. I thought you would have learned your lesson by now." His sneer was the first thing I noticed about him, and the next were his clenched fists. I knew I couldn't fight him off. I'd never been able to do it before, and considering he was the star player on the football team, he was a hundred times stronger than me anyways.

"Please, Sebastian," I whispered, clinging to any lingering hope I had "Leave me alone. I didn't mean to do anything to you. I'm sorry."

Sebastian only laughed darkly at my weakness, which hurt more than any hit to the face ever could. "I've always loved it when you begged. But you embarrassed me in front of the entire school, Clary. You made me look like a total jackass, and you know I've never appreciated that. And then you run off with that dumb shit Simon kid and make me look like even more of an idiot. The whole school's been talking, Clare. They wonder why you aren't there today, and they think it has something to do with me. Rumors spread like wildfire. It's not looking good for you." He crouched down to where I was sitting in the tub and brushed a hand over my cheek. I looked into his eyes and knew the gesture was anything but sincere.

I leaned away from his touch, which probably was not a good idea considering how angry he already was. "You're scaring me, Sebastian. Please, I'm so sorry," I begged. _Simon, where are you?_

"It's too late for apologies, sweetheart. You ignoring me? Bad decision. And I'm getting real sick of your bad decisions." With that, he grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked me upright. A lightning strike of pain shot through me from the top of my head. I heard the disgusting ripping sound of some of my red hair being torn from my scalp, and I prayed that this would be the worst it would get.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted, trying to push his shoulders away from me, but it was hard to do because his hand was still holding on to my hair.

"You really think I'm gonna listen to you?" Sebastian's eyes glinted a dangerous black as he pulled me out of the tub and shoved me into my bedroom. "Get on the bed," he muttered.

My already furiously beating heart seemed to drop to my stomach. He wouldn't.

"Didn't you hear me? Get on the bed."

I could feel tears gather in my eyes, but I wouldn't dare let him see. He wasn't going to get away with this. _Simon, please, I swear to God. Please get over here, he's gonna...he's gonna..._

"No," I said, shaking my head as fast as I could. I looked directly into Sebastian's violent eyes and willed him to listen to me. "I'm not going to."

In response, he simply smiled and shook his head condescendingly, like I was a little kid getting in trouble for not sharing a toy. "What a pity," Sebastian said. "Guess I'll just have to make you, though I wish it didn't have to come to this." Lifting his hand, he struck me across the side of my face, and white hot pain blinded me. The sheer force of it knocked me sideways, and I hit the ground with a loud thud. My cheek stung and my hip was sore, but the thing that hurt the worst was that Sebastian's gaze no longer held any of the love or tenderness I had always hoped it would. He wasn't my Sebastian anymore. He was vicious and he was cruel, and I was absolutely terrified of him.

"YOU STUPID BITCH!" he shouted, towering over me. "Listen to what I say, or things are only going to get worse."

I nodded my head numbly, my voice stuck under the sobs that were clogging my throat.

"Don't me ask a third time. Get on the fucking bed, Clary."

I scrambled onto my feet, but apparently I wasn't fast enough for Sebastian. He grabbed my wrist with a bruising grip and swung me onto the bed, the springs creaking in protest.

"Please, Seb, please-"

He slapped me across my face again, harder than the first time. "Don't fucking call me that, bitch. You lost that privilege when you shoved me aside in front of the entire school." He crawled on the bed and brought his body over mine. His breath smelled of smoke and alcohol, and his eyes were as forbidding as the pits of hell. He brought his hand to cup my cheek, which was bright red from his anger. "You know what the saddest part is, Clary?" His lips hovered over my own, the vibration of his voice shaking me to my very core. I was trembling in fear. This all felt like a terrible nightmare, and I only hoped I would be able to wake up. I turned my head to the side, unable to meet his gaze. That was a mistake.

"Goddamn Clary, look at me. You know what the saddest part about this whole fucking thing is?" He grabbed my chin and wrenched my head towards him, leaning even closer to me so our lips were touching. His other hand was sneaking down my body, leaving despair and worthlessness in its place. I felt like I was drowning, like I was sinking into a whirlpool and I would never be able to get out. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. Sebastian chuckled once more, his voice coming out gruff and menacing. "This is all your fault."

He slammed his lips onto mine, giving me a kiss that held no passion but was meant to show he was in charge. He was in control of me. The hand that had been sliding down my body was now in between my thighs, in between the one place I had never let him, and I was more scared than I ever had been in my life. I tried to scream, I tried to make some noise, but Sebastian muffled it all.

He removed his mouth from my lips and began kissing down my neck, sometimes biting as hard as he could. I shrieked, but it only seemed to motivate him further.

"Sebastian, get the hell off of me!" I yelled, struggling to escape his grasp. He ignored my protests, and his hand slid to the top of my underwear, ripping it off harder than he needed to. He threw the piece of fabric onto the floor and _oh God, this was happening_. I did the only thing I could clearly remember to do. I lifted my knee just slightly and slammed it into him, aiming for his stomach. Someone above must have heard my pleas for help, because I not only missed his stomach but sunk my knee right into Sebastian's one weakness.

"FUCK!" Sebastian quickly rolled off of me and curled into a ball, and I saw my escape. Jumping off the bed, I tried my best to run away with pain everywhere and shaky legs. I had reached the top of the stairs when I felt a hand on my back. Before I could react, I was pushed down the stairs. I rolled down the stairs, my head hitting the wall and the wooden floor multiple times. Pain consumed my entire being, as if my soul was suddenly made of it. I gingerly touched the top of my head and cringed when my hand was suddenly stained red. Looking up, I met Sebastian's malicious gaze.

"You really thought you could get away with that? Fuck, you're stupider than I thought. No wonder I never really loved you," he sneered, slowly descending down the stairs.

I wasn't really sure what hurt worse: falling down the stairs or hearing that Sebastian, the boy I had been with for years, had never really loved me. Had never really thought I was beautiful or wanted to hold me until the stars came out or looked at me like I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was all some stupid show he put on, an act. And if that didn't make me sound pitiful, I don't know what else could. I curled into a ball and closed my eyes to control the fit of shaking that was taking over my body. My legs and arms convulsed as I tried to keep the sobs in. This did nothing to keep Sebastian at bay. He lifted his foot and kicked my ribs as hard as he could, knocking the breath out of my lungs and increasing the pain tenfold. I gasped for any sort of air, but it felt as if nothing would come. It hurt to move. I couldn't move, and Sebastian was coming closer, touching me in ways I never wanted him to.

"Sebastian," I gasped, my voice not even a whisper. He probably couldn't even hear me anymore. My shirt was torn from my body and his hands were ghosting over my stomach. I wanted to throw up. I closed my eyes again and hoped that something would take me from this life so that I wouldn't have to experience this anymore, so that I wouldn't have to feel Sebastian taking something so precious from me. What had I done? Why was I such a terrible person? Why couldn't I have just let Sebastian kiss me, so that he wouldn't feel like he had to do this?

Just as I was losing consiousness, from loss of blood or will or pain or a broken heart, I heard the front door swing open.

"Shit, Clary!" I faintly heard a voice say, and another deeper voice followed after the first.

"Get the fuck off of her, you piece of shit."

Before the numbness consumed me, I could just make out Simon's familiar glasses and a head of golden hair.

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**Okay, that was really hard to write. I really hope this didn't bother anyone, but if it did please let me know and I will definitely change it to make it less graphic! And hopefully I'm not rushing the story either. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Deserved

**Author's Note: I am actually so surprised from all the great feedback and support the last chapter got! I knew it was kind of a harsh scene, but you guys were so enthusiastic and encouraging and omg you are all beautiful souls. Thank you for being amazing, loves. Also I'm really sorry about the long cliff hanger! Turns out junior year kicks you in the butt right from the start. Thank you so much for sticking with me!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning The Mortal Instruments series.**

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Music for this Chapter:

Cold - Aqualung, Lucy Shwartz

Runaway - AURORA

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**Chapter 6: Deserved**

It was peaceful. I felt empty, but content. My entire body was numb, and I couldn't see anything, but I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time. I never wanted to leave this cocoon I found, a place where I didn't have to feel or say or do. But there was a voice pulling me out, wrapping around my waist and dragging me out of the serene numbness. I think I fought it a bit, because it was just so easy to be unresponsive to the world. I didn't want to exist. It had gotten too hard. My mind had other plans, however, because the voice was getting louder and louder and I just wanted to shut it out and run back to the darkness.

_Clary. Clary, wake up. You gotta wake up, Clare_. The voice repeated the same thing over and over again, and for a moment I wondered if God was supposed to sound like Simon, and then suddenly the blackness was turning into light and my eyes were slowly opening. I couldn't make out anything at first. Colors and shapes blurred together and all I could hear was Simon. I felt pain, too. Everywhere. Pain so bad I wanted to go back to the darkness, but a pressure on my hand was slowly guiding me to the real world.

At long last, my eyes focused on a pair of glasses, the very pair I had seen before I became unconscious. I could hardly move, but I kept my eyes trained on the glasses, and soon other objects began to fall into place. Brown curly hair. A tight-lipped smile. A bright florescent light that hurt my eyes and gave the whole room an eerily blue glow. Slowly, the scene was painted before me. A hospital. Simon was sitting next to me, holding my hand and squeezing it more each time my eyes were able to focus on him. But what was that behind Simon? There was no gold in hospitals.

"Jace, I think she's waking up."

_Jace_. What was he doing here?

"Just checking to make sure our very own Sleeping Beauty doesn't get into any more harm," a deep voice rumbled, the very voice that belonged to Golden Boy, who was standing just off of Simon's shoulder. As if he wanted to give me distance. I must smell.

Simon laughed, and I wasn't quite sure at what until he spoke. "If anything, Clare, you smell like hospital. It's not a particularly appealing scent on you, but it's not disgusting."

Oh. So apparently I couldn't keep my big mouth shut. Must be because of the head injury. Which, at the moment, felt like a thousand heavy rocks were being dropped on my head. I winced and brought a hand up to rub my temples. "Ow," I croaked, finally in control of my voice. I sounded like death's right hand woman.

Both boys rushed closer to me at my obvious pain, although Jace still kept some space between us. Even Simon seemed a bit hesitant to touch me, as if I were a fragile package that had been broken before it was ever received.

"Clary," Simon said softly, "do you remember anything?"

I was confused. Was there something to remember? Had something happened?

And then it hit me in sporadic bursts of angry eyes, pale fists, and smoky breath. Reliving the memory felt like the wind was being knocked out of me. I felt gross. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin, leave behind any mark he had left on me. I didn't feel the salty tears streaming down my face because I felt numb once more. But it wasn't the good kind of numb, the numb that made you void of feelings and thought, which I had welcomed so willingly in the darkness. It was a numbness that made you feel like you were worth nothing, that life itself was scratching at your throat and punching you in the stomach.

_Sebastian loves you_, my mind whispered. _It's your fault that you're such a prude. You drove him away._

I curled into a ball and wished the darkness would come back.

Simon, however, wouldn't let that happen, no matter how hard I tried. As soon as he saw my tears, he hoisted himself onto the hospital bed and wrapped his arms around my shaking form, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. One of his hands rubbed soft circles on my back. I didn't deserve him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help but feel Sebastian's rough hands shoving me onto the bed with every one of Simon's soothing caresses. I wanted to throw up. What had I become?

"Simon," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I love you. But don't touch me. Please don't. I can't be touched."

Simon froze, but nodded his head solemnly and got off the bed, as if this all was something he expected me to do. I lifted my head to find Jace watching me intently, calculating every move and noise I made. It was unnerving.

"Why are you here?"

This time, Jace finally spoke. "We're worried about you, Clary. What you went through," he took a deep, calming breath, "is what no one should ever have to experience in their lifetime. Especially not someone like you."

I pondered what he meant for a moment, but decided to dwell on it later. "But how...how did you find me...in time?" I asked, though the question was hard to get out.

"We saw him leave," Jace explained. "He looked pissed, and after what he pulled at school, neither Simon nor I believed he was just leaving school for a leisurely stroll. What a bastard," he spat, looking almost as disgusted as I felt. Then, his piercing eyes met mine, and I saw all of the emotions he was keeping in check bottled into his irises. I was so distracted by his intense gaze that I almost didn't notice the light bruise under his eye, or the bloodied lip he was sporting. And...was that a cut on his cheek? "This is not your fault, Clary," he stated, and my heart clenched. It was what I needed to hear, needed to accept, but it was like my mind had formed an iron blockade around it. "It could never possibly be your fault. You are smart, and brave, and beautiful, and that fuckwit doesn't even deserve to look at you."

Though my thoughts thoroughly disagreed with him, I couldn't help but stare at him in awe. I didn't know him. We weren't friends. I hadn't even been planning on talking to him anymore. But here he was, a boy who had saved me from someone who even I couldn't protect myself from. "Thank you." I dropped my gaze and looked intently at the hospital sheets.

"I agree with him too, Clary. And we're being serious," Simon added.

I nodded my head. "I know," I said. I hoped it sounded at least a little bit believable.

"You can talk to us. We're here for you. Always," Simon insisted, which only worked to break me down even more. Honestly, I was a mess.

"I'm so so sorry," I cried in between sobs. "I didn't want to pull you into any of this. It isn't your fight. And stop saying it's my fault when it clearly is. I led Sebastian on, I didn't listen to him, and I wasn't a good girlfriend. So please, just stop trying to make me feel better. I know the truth!"

Even though my eyesight was watered down, I still saw the sad look that passed between Simon and Jace. "I'm sorry," I said again, as my sobs grew softer. It was too much. To have Simon back. To lose Sebastian. To suddenly meet Jace, and then owe him my entire life.

Simon sat down at the edge of my bed and and grabbed a hold of my hand. I flinched, but the gesture at least was beginning to feel more comforting. "You never have to apologize to us, Clary."

And yet, they were the very people who deserved my apologies the most.


	7. Not Quite Healing

**Author's Note: I'm a bad person. I know. I'm so sorry for the huge wait, but I promise that as summer comes closer I'll be updating more often. Thank you for your absolutely lovely reviews, and I hope all of you are having wonderful days!**

**WARNING: Parts of this story may be a trigger, so please read with caution. And remember that you are so beautiful and so loved!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning The Mortal Instruments.**_

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**Chapter 7: Not Quite Healing**

Loving yourself is a difficult thing. Very few people truly do, and then they are called vain. It's a sort of human hypocrisy, I suppose, a thinly veiled deadly sin. The beautiful thing was, I didn't need to love myself when I loved Sebastian. He did the loving for me, told me what looked best on me, how I should wear my hair, what I should do with makeup. It took that stress off me, the constant question of whether people would like me or not. A better question to ask myself now, as I sit in an old t-shirt and red hair that hasn't been brushed in a week, if that was really healthy for me. Was Sebastian healthy for me? It's the question that's been rattling around in my otherwise empty brain since I woke up in the hospital. I was released two days later, once they determined that I was responding to all their tests normally and had no head damage. Trust me, though. I was left with a lot of head damage.

Simon had held my hand and asked if I wanted to talk about anything, as he did every morning before he left for school. I shook my head like I always did, gave him a small smile that I hoped looked more sincere than it felt, and watched him as he warily returned the smile and promised to be back later. It had become routine, but I was forever grateful for Simon's presence. Though my inner turmoil never seemed to calm, my friendship with Simon eased the restlessness. I'd forgotten how happy I could be. In the mornings, before Simon came, I would wake up and look at myself in the mirror. I picked myself apart, hoping to see what other people saw. My mother was a classic beauty in her youth, with her long legs and ivory skin, and a lot of people told me I took after her. I could never see the resemblance. I'm more on the short side, and my pale skin makes me look more sickly than anything. Or maybe that's Sebastian's fault. A lot of things seem to be his fault nowadays. _No_, a part of me whispered. _Your fault. _I tried to find the parts of me that Sebastian might have loved, but usually I just found more things I hated. My hair was frizzy and never stayed put. It resembled a rat's nest more than anything. My green eyes were dull, and the freckles dotting my face made me look childish. My nose was too small, my lips too chapped and pale. My chest was too flat. My figure too boy-ish. My thighs jiggled a little when I walked. It felt like every time I looked in the mirror, I found another reason why my father left me, or why Sebastian hit me, or why my brother won't come back to visit.

But then Simon would walk in, holding two cups of some ridiculously hipster-named latte and a bag full of plain bagels and strawberry cream cheese, and I felt right at home. Sometimes, Jace would even walk in with him, and I felt so completely safe. Was it normal to look into the eyes of a total stranger and feel at ease? I mainly chalked it up to the fact that he had saved my life when he barely even knew me.

"How are you feeling, Clare?" Simon asked, pushing his glasses up his nose as he handed me a bagel.

"Alright," I said, which was always the answer.

Jace squinted his eyes at me. He wasn't as easily convinced as Simon. "You look tired. Have you been sleeping?"

I tried to smile, but didn't answer him. Jace unnerved me sometimes. "How was school?" I said in an attempt to change the topic of our conversation.

Both Jace and Simon snorted. "Boring as hell," Jace replied, and Simon nodded in agreement. "In other news, Simon's been making goo-goo eyes at my sister. So when's the wedding, Simon?"

Simon choked a little, but I began laughing. A full blown laugh, something I hadn't done in weeks. It ended as soon as it started, bubbling from my chest in a short sticatto sort of sound, but it was there. I actually _laughed_. Both Simon and Jace stared down at me, Simon with his huge goofy grin and Jace with an expression I couldn't quite identify. He looked kind of curious, his eyes full of wonder. His look unraveled me. "Who's your sister?" I asked to break the small silence that followed.

"Isabelle Lightwood."

"Lightwood? But I thought your last name was-"

"I'm adopted," he cut in abruptly. There was clearly going to be no more discussion on the topic of the different last names, especially since even Simon was shaking his head slightly at me to let me know that this was not a path I wanted to go down.

I was trying to put a face to the name. Where had I heard her name before? It was vaguely familiar...

"Wait a second...Isabelle? The gorgeous Isabelle that was standing with you guys on the first day of school?" I asked in disbelief.

Jace smirked. "The very one."

I groaned and threw my hands up in frustration. _Are all of them beautiful? _I screamed in my head.

When I looked over, I noticed Jace's smirk had gotten even wider, and Simon looked like he was trying to hold back a laugh. "No, just me, sweetheart. Isabelle's got some flaws that not even the most courageous of men could handle. Luckily for you, I'm pretty much perfect."

Oh god. I said it out loud. "Oh, please, Goldie. Is that what you tell yourself every time you look in a-" and then I cut myself off, because suddenly I was taken back to this morning in which I wondered if my existence in this universe was worth anything as I stared at my pale reflection in the mirror. My shoulders slumped forward. My small smile suddenly went missing. I used my hair to cover my face. "Sorry guys, I..uh, I actually am not feeling too well right now. Maybe come back later."

Simon sat up and started walking closer towards me. "Clary," he started.

"No, really, Simon. I'll be okay. Just a little nauseous. I'll text you later," I said, in short clips because really I was having a hard time controlling my breathing at the moment.

"Okay...okay, Clary. I love you. Call me, okay?" Simon said, his eyebrows scrunched together in clear concern. He grabbed Jace's arm and walked towards the door, and I watched as Jace's eyes never left mine. So many questions were held in them. He knew. But even though he knew, he walked through the door and shut it behind him, following Simon out to his car.

And with the echoing sound of the shut door, I closed my eyes and scrunched my hands into fists as an onslaught of all of Sebastian's ridicules came flooding into my memories. Any hope I had of ever escaping him were chased away by the grating sound of Sebastian's voice telling me he would be the only one who could ever love me.


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